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Where goes the limit?

Hi Kluun

If I got it right, this is about doing these things to console yourself when you're experiencing a difficult time. We all do this, it could be anything, only it helps us. Your actions described in this article will be by someone considered very wrong morally. My question is, if you don't think these actions are wrong, where lies your limits of things you would not do in situations like this?
Innsendt av: Hank

I don't say it was not wrong, because it was. But I do say that I think you have to accept that this wrongdoing was part of you. Also one's darkest sides are part of your personality

Kluun
 

honest

I think you have been bravely honest in addressing a politically incorrect topic. Did your wife know about your mistress at the time? How did she feel about your prevous unfaithfull behaviour (I guess she was still healthy then?)
Innsendt av: Kathe

She wasn't happy with my former unfaithfulness, but knew it was part of me. She took some revenge in these years, and she was right with doing that..

Kluun
 

Advertising

In what agency did you work in your advertising days? And: Did you just quit your job to write, or do you still work in the hyper-commercial- client-and-account-manager-
pleasing-business?
Innsendt av: Copywriter

DDB Amsterdam and later I had my own company, Project X

Kluun
 

Brave

I think you are brave when you tell this story. A lot of people would not, even though it might be important
Innsendt av: Mats Harald

Thanks...

Kluun
 

Dutch 2 Dutch

Hoi Kluun,

Denk je niet dat jouw vroegere vrouwonvriendelijke levenswijze wel heel verkeerd aanslaat in het feministische Noorwegen. Of is juist dat het suc6 van komt een vrouw bij de dokter.

Kjære Kluun, Tror du ikke at din tidligere kvinne uvennlige livsfilosofie kan skape problemer i det feministiske Norge. Eller er det det som er hemmeligheten bak boken det kommer en kvinne hos legen.
Innsendt av: Noors Nederlandse Bjørn

I didn't realize Norwegians are moer feminist than the Dutch... However, reactions in Holland and Germany from men and women are about the same: some hate me, others understood, AFTER reading the book...

Kluun
 

Shocking

Don't you think your wife on some level knew what was going on? Women are far more intuitiv than you give us credit for. Can you imagine how the last part of life was like? She is fighting for her life; you are "getting your needs satisfied". I can't believe you even have the courage to tell this story. What about the people close to your wife? I don't count you as one of them. I'd rather have a stranger taking care of me, than to have someone who betrayed me by my side the last part of my life. "This is how I feel, so I have to be honest..." Please! Some feelings is better kept to yourself. What are you trying to accomplish by writing this book? What are you trying to say?
Innsendt av: Mille

Yes I agree with you that women aer far more intuitive than men are...
I can imagine how my wife's last week wer, because I was theer. She was happy, and told me she would, despite of everything, she would have married me again immediately. You don't have to believe that, maybe if you read the book, you will. A bit...

My wife has also suggested me to write it. her mother and our mutual friends are proud of the book. Love isn't always a 1+1=2 thing...

The book is meant as a very controversial, raw fairytale about the poweer of love. Love finally conquers egoism, lust, cancer and even dead. So it's an ode to love...

Kluun
 

Justified..?

What do you think this relationship would have done to your wife, in her situation of sickness. Do tou think she knew deep down? maybe because of your earlier relationship with other women during your marriage.. But would she have understood..?
I have only cheated once, and that was because I did not love the man I was with.. One can ask oneself, what's the worst cheat.. ;)
Innsendt av: Tiia

Yes, she told me she had always known deep down.

Statistics show that 30 % of people have cheated on their partner in the past year. I never hear people telling that on birthdayparties, do you?

Kluun
 

BAD GUY!!!

I only want to express my thoughts about what you did. Your behaviour is not exceptable and this is not real love. Why got married/why have wife or commitment if you cannot keep promisses to her, yourself and God? This is so bad and dirty what you did. Schame on you!!!!!!!!!
Innsendt av:

Looks like you have read the bible very well. Maybe read the things Jezus said about forgiveness, love and imperfection...
And like the great philosopher Elvis Presley said: Don't just a man before you walked a mile in his shoes...

Kluun
 

Does it go both ways?

You seem to have come to terms and acceptance with your own inability to stay faithful (although you resentet it), also before your wife fell sick. Did you, or would you have, accepted that she had lovers?
Innsendt av: Curious

She did have some one night stands and yes, I had to laugh about that when she told me. It was like 'I desrved that.'
Ofcourse I would be hurt too if I would hear tomorrow my current wife had slept with a guy. Emotions and behaviour are not always in line...

Kluun
 

What about her?

Did you ever put yourself in her position? What would you feel if YOU were the one laying on your deathbed, and SHE was going out to get laid? And why did you not use that to avoid being an asshole?

Self-centered people like you disgust me. You are what makes the world an ugly place.
Innsendt av: Tomas

I did. And as you can see in one of my former answers: people do verey , very strange things if they are under pressure. If you ever have the change to talk with nurses, psychologists and doctors in hospitals where they have to deal with terminal diseases, pls ask them what they know and think about this subject...

Kluun
 

The Most Beautiful Animal in the World

Could you recommend some nice Zoo's in the Netherlands that have Giraffes?
Innsendt av: Bolleh

Artis!

Kluun
 

Unfaithful patients?

Ever thought that it happens that women are unfaithful in such situations, too? I mean with their nurses/doctors?

I haven't read your book but it sounds like it conveys something quite common yet it has a bold message. I appreciate that you're so honest about something so shameful to most people.
Innsendt av: Lilla

Thx Lilla, the book has a message indded. Otherwise, if it was just a story about an unfaithfull man, just sensation, it wouldn't have sold moren than 600.000 copies, I think...

Kluun
 

Men!!!

It`s only some men who can do such things. You are at least honest after her death, but it was your wife you should have been talking to while she still was alive. This isn`t about love, only selfishness. I hope you don`t have kids who is going to read about this. But i feel sorry for the familymembers on both sides. You started an anger in me. May your wife rest in peace.
Innsendt av: Tove

I can tell you a story about a woman who had uturus cancer, who deliberatly started to have an affair with anorher man, because she wanted to experience that in her life...

The mother and brother of my late wife still call, email and see me.

Kluun
 

What if???

I just wondering did u tell u sick wife that u where fucking another woman and did u lover
know that u did have a sick wife???

And if u do belive in God what are u going to tell him?

Hope u have time to enjoy u stay in Oslo and get u as out in the nice weather man!!!

Innsendt av: Kjetil

Both.
yes, I believe in God. and I believe in forgiveness, which is, in all religions, one of the most important learnings.

thanks for arranging this nice wheater, Kjetil!

Kluun
 

First book moves

Did you plan to write the book before your wife died? Did the planning and the writing of th book evt. influence what you felt and what you did in this period?
Innsendt av: Hans Morten Sundnes

Now, I had never thaought of becoming a writer. Yes, it did help me thinking and feeling more what I did. But also press, hundreds of emails a week and reactions on my website (http://www.kluun.nl/lees.php?i=1&s=r, itæs Dutch, but maybe you will understand some of it) do make me realize that.
However, I don't feel ''guilty''... Some people are extremely mad, and tell me I am the one who should have died, hope that my new wife gets cancer and al that. Most people who have actually read the book, see that it is an ode to love and to my wife. There is beautiful sentence is the nove of Carlos Ruiz Zafon, Shadow of the Wind. 'Books are like mirrors. You only see in them what you already bear in youself and what you want to see.'


Kluun
 

common case?

What if your wife would have done the same?
(While you are dying of cancer she would go out and cheat?)

Or your father to your mother etc?

My point is:
Do you see yourself as an special case or is it common to cheat dying spouse?(in your opinion)

You wrote how you felt like a nurse with your wife. When did she loose her feminity? Did you know when she wished to be treated like a woman or a mistress?
Innsendt av: anna

My wife once said: 'If you would have been the one having cancer and I would have had to live with you, I would have probably taken another boyfriend.' we understood eacother, but still she was hurt a lot by what I did.

I don't ant to use this as an excuse, but pls do realise this: psychologists in hospitals know that almost 40 % of young people who's partner has a terminal disease, or suddenly have to spend the erst of their lives in a wheelchair, divorce in the first two years.

Kluun
 

Shocking

You CANNOT justify what you did - writing a book about it and earning money from it does NOT make it ok. The majority of people fortunately have higher morals than you. What you did was disgusting - just remember what goes around comes around.
Innsendt av: Knut

And if my wife has suggested me to write it? And if the Dutch cancer association is so happy with the book? And if I do readings all over Holland in hospitals, for oncologists, students, nurses and patients?

I hope and wish you all the love and ability to forgive and not judge too easily Knut...

Kluun
 

Did they know?

Hi Kluun! I'm a Norwegian woman and I have lived in the Netherlands for years. I did not hear about your book before, but would love to read it. Did you tell the women you seduced the truth about your situation? (or did you only seduce Nathalie?).
Innsendt av: Ragnhild

Sometimes I did. But in the escape into nightlife you don't want to talk about cancer again... You just want to dive into this world of superficial subjects and things...

Kluun
 

Cars

Do you have many cars?
Innsendt av: zyx

A 7 year old Chevrolet Blazer... I live in Amsterdam..

Kluun
 

I applaud you for telling your story!

Firs, I would just like to say that it in some strange ways makes sence what you did.
Did you ever tell your wife about what you did? And do you feel that you could have done things different when you look back at it?
How has the rest of your family accepted your new wife and the circumstances you met?
And last, I think it's positive that you tell your story as I can imagine that many in your situation feels like you do.

Innsendt av: Laila

My wife's famliy - her mother, ather and brother - were at my wedding with Natalie(Rose in the book) and at my and my daughter Eva's birthday, last week. That says enough, I gues...

Kluun
 

cheating..

well hi.. i must say that i look down on cheating, it is not a good feeling being cheated on or to cheat on someone else. but my point is, i think you have found the one loop hole were it is accepted. i can acctualy relate to your situation and understand why you did like you did.. i hope you don't regret your choices too much.
go on, and good luck with your book.
Innsendt av: andre

Thank you, andre, Iæm not proud of myself either. The one thing I learned form psychologists that people escape in the weakness they feel most comroftable with. That could be alcohol, work (!), drugs or, in my case, infidelity. Not a good thing to put on you CV of Life, but still part of me, albeit a dark side.

Kluun
 

What's next?

This book being very autobiographic, do you have any plans for a second book?
Will you have another autobiographic project to write about, or make it fictional?
Innsendt av: Moo

actually Kvinne går til lege is ony half of the story. The second book, called The widower, gos on where Kvinne stops. It was published already in Holland last year, and in some other countries later this year. The last sentence of The widower , ''The future has begun again', was also the last sentence of the summary I had written before I started to write.
And I have written a satireabout how men regard pregnant women, titled 'Help, I've made my wife pregnant!'. The book I am now busy with is about the history of Amsterdam night life, from the 17th century till now.
Another summary of my next novel is already finishd, I think I will be starting to write it next year, if I find some time between all the trips to press in all countries.

Kluun
 

People hate books?

In the article, it says you suspect that most people actually hate reading books.

Huh?
I know that some people don't read books, but how do you come to this conclusion?

Innsendt av: Moo

Sometimes it looks like we all have a trauma from all these terrible books we had to read at school. Middle ages, 17th century books and so on. My book is often described by readers at Amazon or these kingd of websites like :'fantastic book, I read it in six hours!' I never hear people say about a restaurant : 'great restaurant. I was in and out in an hour.' Or a sigar. 'Lovely sigar. Smoked it in ten minutes.' With books people do, as if reading is work...

Kluun
 

Did she know

Did your wife knew that you were cheeting on her. What did your mistress feel about your wife?
Innsendt av: Funky

Hai Funky,
We talked aboutalmost everyhting in my wifes last few weeks. So yes, she knew that I had been unfaithful. I did ask her in her last week if ther was anything she still wanted to know or ask. 'No,' she answered, with a smile, 'I know everything I wanted to know. I am happy now, and I want you to be happy when I'm not here anymore. You never have to feel guilty or be ashamed of something.'


Kluun