Fredag, julebord, og mørke dager. For noen begynner julestria snart også. Men fortvil ikke, Dagbladet.no gir deg en pause i stresset med nettets endeløse kilder av morsom underholdning. (For ikke å snakke om de fantastiske e-postvedleggene som ergrer enhver arbeidsgiver. Har du noe morsomt å sende, mail det til oss og del festlighetene med andre lesere.)
Ingen har vel kunnet unngå å få med seg kjøttskandalene rundt dagligvarekjeden Meny de siste ukene. I Dagbladet gikk reklamemann Kjetil Try ut og anbefalte et navneskifte. Det er ikke nødvendig. Alt Meny trenger er en genial reklameide.
Jerry Springer er en mann med et noe kontroversielt talkshow i USA. Med temaer som «jeg drepte min transseksuelle elsker, nå truer hans fire meter høye mor meg på livet» har Springer utmerket seg som verstingen i sosialpornografisjangeren. Jeg har ofte lurt på hvordan min egen livshistorie ville sett ut på et sånt show, så jeg prøvde Jerry Springer manusgeneratoren. Morsom lesning egentlig, og en god vaksine mot syke dagdrømmer.
For de av oss som har gleden av å omgås små barn, eller er slått ut av ammetåke, kan følgende video være til hjelp. Det er ikke alltid det er like åpenbart hvor ting tar veien.
Liker du ikke Ali Gs skandaløse måte å intervjue kjendiser på bør du ikke lese videre. Dette er et tenkt intervju med Victoria Beckham, og av naturlige grunner er det ikke oversatt til norsk:
Bo! I is ere wiv none ovver dan me main bitch outta da Spice Girls,Victoria Peckham. Wicked.
G: So Vic, is you really as posh as you say you is? Cos me mate Dave says e knew you when you was at school, an e said you was rougher dan im.
V: Actually, Posh is just my nickname. I\'m just your average Essex girl really.
G: But you is a member of da Royal family though. You live in dat Buckingham House, innit?
V: No, I live in a mansion called Beckingham Palace. It\'s just a joke really. We have a flag on the roof and everything.
G: Fer real. And dat is in Peckham, next door to Del Boy and Rodney?
G: Aiiih! So, is you and David well rich? Cos I erd you as like 50 million squid each.
V: That\'s not true. We are quite wealthy, but we don\'t have that much money. I wish.
G: You used to be well fit, but lately, if you don\'t mind me sayin, you is gettin skinny like one a dem funny stick-inseck fings. Is you really arachnophobic?
V: Don\'t you mean anorexic?
G: Aiiih, dat as well.
V: No, I\'m not anorexic, and I\'d like everyone to stop worrying about me. Since I had Brooklyn, my metabolism has changed. I actually eat like a horse.
G: Wicked. What about dat Sporty Spice. She is well mingin.
V: That\'s not nice. Actually, Melanie is a very nice looking girl.
G: You is got to be jokin\'. She looks like a man, an a rough one at dat. I erd she was a muff muncher. Is dat true?
V: You\'d have to ask her.
G: I is tryin to get me Julie to drink from the furry fountain, but she sez she ain\'t interested. As you slept wiv Sporty? Like when you was on tour an you was a bit tipsy, an one fing led to anovver.
V: No, never. I\'m straight.
G: Respec. Why is your baby got such a stupid name. Dat is not fair on da kid is it? Everyone is gonna fink e is a batty boy at school.
V: We named him after the place where he was conceived. Hence, Brooklyn.
G: Aiiih. Me mate Nigel did da same wiv is kid. He was bangin is missus in da swimming pool at da John Nike Leisure Centre. So e called is daughter John. She is gonna get a lot of stick at school for dat too.
V: I can imagine.
G: Does Geri really av a ginger minge. Cos me mate Dave said he banged her in a bus shelter in Churtsey an e said she ad a black bush. Is dat true?
V: I\'ve never seen Geri\'s pubic hair, so I wouldn\'t know about that.
G: Come off it. Everyone as seen er muff. She was a big porn star before da Spice Girls. There\'s pictures on da Internet an everyfing.
V: She did some nude modelling before, but she was never a porn star. I\'ve never even seen the pictures.
G: I can give you da website address if you is interested.
V: No thanks.
G: I erd she slept wiv Chris Evans. Urghh! Two ginger c***s in da same bed. Dat is disgusting. Have you ever sucked on da carrot?
V: I\'ve never given Chris Evans a blow-job, if that\'s what you mean.
G: No, I meant have you ever sucked on a carrot. I wasn\'t even finking about dat. You is a filfy girl. Urghh!
V: Sorry, I thought...
G: So, is David as good in bed as e is on da cricket pitch?
V: He\'s actually a footballer. And I\'m not telling you what he is like in bed. That\'s private.
G: Fer real. I erd e wears a g-string. Is dat true?
V: Might be.
G: Wicked. Me Julie wanted me to wear a g-string, but I said no. I wouldn\'t even wear one if it was made by Tommy Hilfiger. I ain\'t no batty boy.
V: Well David\'s not gay, if that\'s what you\'re implying.
G: Aiiih. I read in da paper dat Scary Spice was snoggin dat black geezer Goldie an her tongue stud got caught on is gold teef cos they was magnetic. But i fink they made dat up cos gold ain\'t magnetic. It ain\'t even metal.
V: You shouldn\'t believe everything you read in the papers.
G: Fer real. Finally, is you gonna be releasing a solo single like all da other Spice bitches.
V: Yes, my album will be out later in the year. I\'m very excited about it. It\'s great!
G: I ain\'t trying to be rude or nuffin, but I is never erd you sing yet. There is a rumour dat you sound like a donkey wiv a sore throat an a traffic cone up it\'s ass. Is dat true?
V: I\'m not brilliant, but I sound a lot better than Geri that\'s for sure. Sorry, I didn\'t mean that Geri.
G: Wicked. Fank you Victoria Peckham. An me mate Dave was right,you is a bit rough. Respec.
Next week, I is interviewing Baby Spice an finding out if she is really only 3 years old. Me hope not, cos I fancies er an I ain\'t no Gary Glitter.